How I lost myself.......

I reclaimed myself as an artist and as a human being by gambling on myself and my vision. The other way, I had been slowly losing myself and my connection to everything that mattered to me….… At a certain point, it felt to me that there was no other way than to hurl myself into the unknown, holding nothing back.
— Micheal Maren

The above quote completely sums up my life. I left college with the dream of becoming a trader. The money and all that could be purchased with it became my siren song. Trader Monthly magazine arrived every 30 days reinforcing the gold lust griping me. I sacrificed a little part of me with every new task and job. Pure effort compensated for fact that the jobs failed to nourish my soul. The mental/spiritual debts continued to mount with each successive year. Happiness and joy were spent to maintain the mad pursuit for riches going. Each day, I swiped my security card opening the doors to my office marking another day I sold my dreams for what I thought was happiness.   

The summer of 2013 marked the depth I had sunk. The happy go-lucky version of me had long disappeared leaving a brooding miserable shell of a man. Anger smoldered just under the surfacing waiting for the smallest reason to ignite. I barely recognized the person I had become. 

Photography pulled me out of this death spiral. I rediscovered that which nourishes my soul. The decision to quit a well paying job 6 weeks after the birth of my son was difficult. I didn't know how I was going to earn a living. No website. Barely an internet presence. Yet I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that quitting was my only decision. I hurled myself off the cliff with no view of what lies below but only the faith that I would reunite with my true self during the descent and together we could figure it out.